5 Lessons Learned from My Brief Stint in Exotic Dancing
This blog post originally appeared in 2010 on the Petit Fours and Hot Tamales blog. It’s one of the most popular things I’ve ever written, so I’ve only tweaked it a little bit from the original.
In the interest of keeping our reader-writer relationship honest, I have to confess that my brief stint consisted of two hour-long lessons taken at PoleLaTeaz studio in Atlanta. It’s a women’s only facility that specializes in using exotic dance techniques for empowerment and exercise.
That, and it’s kinda fun.
This all started when my husband and I were watching a news segment a few years ago about a Carmen Elektra workout tape. I commented that her exotic dance moves looked fun. My husband, ever a giver, included a gift certificate to PoleLaTeaz along with my birthday gifts so I could test out my hypothesis.
In the first class, I became very friendly with a chair. We knew each other biblically by the end of the day. For any doubters, it was quite the workout with lots of squatting. Heels are optional, but encouraged, so there was the element of trying to keep my balance, too.
For my second class, I took “Intro to Pole,” and, yes, the pole and I got very well acquainted as well. At the time I was in tolerable shape, but the amount of upper body and core strength required to do even the most basic moves defies description. You must attempt it to understand. In addition to all that strength, you also need grace. I left class that night with a goose egg on my shin from where I slammed it into the pole because grace I do not have.
Obviously, I wasn’t able to parlay my two classes into an exotic dancing career, but my motto is that no experience is wasted if you learn something from it, so here are the top 5 things I learned from exotic dancing:
5. Once you learn the sexy walk, there’s no turning back. The first lesson on the first night was how to “walk sexy.” It had something to do with pretending you had a penny between your thighs, but this clodhopper never mastered it. The idea here, though, is to commit. If you want to be a writer, write. If you’re learning how to pole dance, you have to walk sexy—even if it’s to the bathroom.
4. Find what you want to emphasize and work it. We all have our strengths, but, as my instructor pointed out, you will look like a hot mess if you try to emphasize your hair, your waist, and your legs all at once. By all means, try new things, but know yourself and know your strengths.
3. Do not get into a Figure Four Leglock with an exotic dancer. She will snap you like a twig. I wouldn’t arm wrestle with her, either.
2. Support each other no matter what. In the Intro to Pole class, especially, classmates had to trust each other implicitly not to laugh. Remember that goose egg I mentioned? I was trying to do a fireman’s spin on the pole, and things went very, very wrong. NO ONE LAUGHED. We women especially can’t afford to waste our time or energy tearing each other down. So what if I can’t dance around a pole? There were ladies there who would’ve broken out in a cold sweat at the thought of writing a blog post. We each have our own talents, and we should support each other as best we can.
1. Always get up sexy. If you fall down—and you inevitably will in both life and pole dancing—throw your booty in the air and get up sexy. Make people wonder if you meant to fall and have confidence that you won’t wipe out next time. Scientific studies show that people remember the beginning and the end, but they often get a little fuzzy on the middle, so always end with a bang.
A couple of things I would like to add to this post. One, I finally googled how to walk in heels. Heel to toe, y’all. Heel to toe. Also, PoleLaTeaz is still open here in Atlanta, and I think they have some virtual classes. I thought I’d give them a shout out. Maybe I’ll go take another class or two and brush up on my exotic dancing skills.